Mediation can change the game from “get as many slices of the pie as you can” to “make the pie bigger so everyone has what they need”  How? Through focusing on interests instead of positions. 

In mediation, a position is the WHAT.  For example, I want $300 per week in spousal support.

 An interest is the WHY.  I need enough money to support myself.

The following story illustrates why it is more important to understand the interest – the WHY – than it is to understand the position – the WHAT. 

 Two Girls and One Orange

There was only one orange left in the kitchen – and two sisters fighting over it.

“That is my orange – I need it!”

“That is not your orange, and I saw it first!”

With little time to spare, both girls needed the orange to finish the special recipes they were working on as their contribution to the Family’s special dinner.

As the girls discussed who had more of a right to it – the one who had reminded mom to get it from the store, or the one who had spotted it first and set it aside for her special recipe – mom walked in. 

Mom did what most moms would have done in this situation.  She took out a big kitchen knife and split the orange right down the middle.  With barely enough time to finish, each girl took her half and ran to the part of the counter where her recipe awaited the crucial ingredient.

The older sister squeezed the juice of the orange into a special sauce she was preparing – it was not quite enough, but it was better than nothing and would have to do.

The younger sister grated the peel and folded it into the batter of her signature dessert.  It was not enough to achieve the required level of oranginess, but it was better than nothing, and it would have to do.       

By now you have probably figured out that there was a more efficient solution than the old standby of going halfsies.  Each sister could have had an entire orange each – all to herself – even though there was only one orange. 

If the girls, or their mom (the neutral third party) had focused on the WHY (peel vs. juice), rather than the WHAT (I need that orange!), each sister could have had twice as much.

That is how you make the pie bigger.  This is a simple example, and this may not work in every situation or family conflict.  However, by simply changing the name of the game, you go a long way toward a healthier more holistic resolution for your family.

To learn more about Mediation, or to schedule a free confidential consultation, please call or e-mail us.